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5 Things NOT To Do With Natural Coconut Hookah Coals

Natural coconut hookah charcoals are the go-to for most every serious hookah smoker around the world. They impart very little flavor on your bowl, burn at a consistent heat, and offer the best hookah sessions around. It might seem like coconut coals can do no wrong, but we've pulled together a list of 5 things that you should definitely NOT do with your natural coals.

Do NOT Use Coconut Coals In Place Of Real Coconut When Cooking

grating coconut coals

If your recipe calls for shaved coconut and you are all out, what do you do? Buy some more of course! Or, you could try substituting delicious, carbon-tastic natural coconut coals! Or...you could not. Yeah, that sounds a lot better. That coconut shrimp recipe can wait, better just smoke hookah instead.

Do NOT Attempt To Drink Coconut Coal Water

coconut coal water

Coconut water is all the rage these days. Experts say that drinking coconut water has numerous health benefits in addition to it's great refreshing taste. As good as coconut water is for you, we do not recommend attempting to make your own coconut coal water. Everyone knows to never get your coals wet! We think we'll stick to the original stuff ourselves and we'll save the coconut coals for our next bowl of hookah.

Do NOT Moisturize Your Skin With Coconut Coal Lotion

coconut coal lotion

If your recipe calls for shaved coconuts and you are all out, what do you do? Buy some more of course! Or, you could try substituting delicious, carbon-tastic natural coconut coals. Or...you could not. Yeah, that sounds a lot better. That coconut shrimp recipe can wait, better just smoke hookah instead.

Do NOT Serve A Delicious Tropical Drink In A Coconut Coal

coconut coal drink

You're laying on a tropical beach somewhere living the good life. A waiter in a crisp, bright, white uniform comes towards you carrying a tray. He asks what you would like to drink as your gaze falls upon another beach-goer enjoying a delicious beverage being served in a coconut shell. You go to order one of the same, but briefly think "What if I asked for this drink to be served in a hollowed out coconut coal, instead of the coconut itself"? As the waves lap gently at the shore and the waiter eagerly anticipates your choice of beverage you give it just a bit more thought and then think "Wait, I'm a total idiot. That would be terrible. What a tiny little vessel for a drink, and I bet it would taste just terrible too! What a bad idea that was"! Then you order a normal drink and chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

Do NOT Use Coconut Coals In Place Of Marshmallows In Hot Chocolate

coconut coal in hot chocolate

The snowstorm rages outside of your window and the kettle boils away on the stovetop. Your insides are cold, but you know it won't be long before that delicious hot chocolate is warming your insides. As the kettle whistle rings out, you turn off the flame on the stove, fill a mug with boiling hot water and add your hot chocolate mix. While you stir it up and enjoy the smell, you remember the most important part - the marshmallows! You open the pantry and as you reach for the bag of marshmallows you notice a box of natural coconut coals sitting there. They are about the same size you think, and I do love the taste of coconut. Do I dare? Could this change my life for the better? Nope, that's really dumb. Marshmallows taste good. You shake your head at the absurdity of it all, grab the marshmallows and make a mental note to smoke some Cane Mint later that evening. Crisis averted.

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Comments (46) -

  • Wow, hope u guys are  reviewing these articles before u put them out
  • Ed
    Wtf? What a waste of time clicking this. I usually read the articles because theyre informative but this...cmon now. Dont waste peoples time.
  • This article is more insulting to our intelligence  than it is humorous. You really need to rethink and review before you publish  something.
  • Hookah-Shisha? Are you okay? Did you drink too many coconut-coal-waters?
  • Really guys?!?! Whoever thought this would be a fun way to "Clickbait" an article with what could otherwise have been a genuine chance to inform your public should reevaluate their career goals.
  • I actually thought this was pretty funny. I like the fact that these guys like to show their sense of humor like this. i liked it
  • I think you have forgotten to mention a matter that may affect a billion people: in Indian tradition, it is considered auspicious to crack open a coconut for special events, eg wedding, opening a new office, purchase of a new car, etc. This is done by slamming the coconut on the floor in front of said new object.  It may be unwise to slam coconut coals around instead of cracking open a coconut. The black just not seem auspicious enough.

    My 2c...but hey you guys are the pros...
  • I usually open these articles knowing I won't find out anything new, but this was both a pleasant surprise, and down right ridiculous.
  • Hey this was fun! Thanks guys. I needed a giggle and today has been stressful and upon unwinding with my hookah and Bernie Sanders news I checked my email and found this. Now, all good fun BUT....can you do an in depth Q&A on coals in general. I have large bowls and I am a large guy. I smoke A LOT! I use 6 coals these days on my Large bowl (Tangiers, old style). It seems any less and the flavor profile is diminished. If I use 4 coals and cover it with the wind baffle I taste and get burned shisha quick. Just sayin'
  • V
    Lighten up, folks. It's okay to be a little silly when cabin-fever hits.
  • And here I thought this was actually going to be a some-what informative article having informative new and old hookah smokers could gleen some knowledge from, like if you should use a coal after smothering it and leaving it out in humidity overnight or something that wasn't a complete asinine waste of time.
  • GIANT waste of your readers' time.
  • I thought this was going to be a serious article.  This was a waste of time reading, and not even remotely funny.  Please refrain from posting articles like this in the future as you might find that not many people like them.
  • Damn I really thought I was going to learn something new. Now I just feel dumber.
  • I actually really enjoyed the humor in this article. Sattire definitely rings better with me than bland marketing junk. Thanks for the laugh!
  • I know how stupid humans can be so I think this might be more serious, possibly due to threats of being sued by people who really don't know better, but I think all of these could have collectively been 1 out of 5 with the other 4 being stuff like "Don't heat on ---- kind of surface" etc. ~FCA
  • Joe
    Wow y'all can't take a bloody joke. I thought this was hilarious
  • Wow.... I was excited to see this, but damn I really lost brain cells to this! Have your articles really come down to this... Stupidity of the consumers!? Please do not waste my time with garbage!
  • Really?  I mean really....?? Apologise for insulting your fans and giving the impression that out of all the wonderful things that an ancient worldwide practice shisha has given, that's the best wisdom American culture has to share. Lift your game. It wasn't humorous, it was moronic and goes to confirm the low impression some already mistakenly think of Americans. Hookah is a world wide practice and hence has a world wide audience. I'm from New Zealand so goodness knows what  Arabic smokers make of that article. You deserve a better representation of yourselves than this.
  • Please pull this article down.  It's not funny and you just wasted my time.
  • People getting all salty, this was some funny shit love everyone from hookah-shisha keep up the good work
  • Well that's 45 seconds of my life I'm never getting back.
  • I can't believe I wasted my time reading this.
  • Their articles have never been anything other than this bullshit. They've never released an article that was not basic hookah knowledge.
  • Thanks for the weak spammy click bait...appreciate it, douches.
  • Not amused. If you're going to monopolize all the hookah-selling websites and mark up your prices, please at least tone it down on the smarminess. Thank you for being the only shisha selling website to ship to Puerto Rico.
  • Jay
    Well, Not to pile on, but they're right. On the other hand, I was pleased to know I haven't been making any coconut coal mistakesSmile
  • You couldn't wait one week for april fools day, could you?  Next time, show some patience.
  • Don
    Getting a jump on April Fools Day. Everyone else lighten up.
  • Ken
    These other guys need to take a joke. I was Really excited to read this article, but I got razzed instead. Very funny. Corny, but very funny.
  • Not a waste of time. Very informative... lol i liked it.
  • I thought it was funny lol.
    People take things way too seriously
  • Great article! Informative! Enlightening! And worth it just to read the whiny, pointless bitching in the other comments. Keep up the great work promoting good tobacco products!
  • april fools is in a week - then it'd be funny, but today it's just disappointing and sad
  • Viv
    Wow lol what's up with these comments. Have some humor and chill out, these pics were pretty amusing
  • J
    Yeah, I'm with everyone else. I could see in a list of 10, 2 being purposely funny. But all 5? Shame. Last time I read one of these...
  • Moe
    Isn't funny its a waste of time and very childish
  • What a bunch of butt hurt commenters. The article was amusing. It took less than 5 minutes to read. Hardly a waste of time.
    How could anyone think this was going to be a serious article? There are only 3 things you do with coals (Heating, Flipping, Putting on a Bowl) how could there possibly be a list of 5 things Not to do with coals?

    People need to lighten up a bit.
  • Thought this was a real article, turned out to be a waste of time.
  • Oh man, this was golden!! I really had a "WTF" moment on the grated coal, lol. I guess you learn something new everyday. I take it we must be doing something right with the coals.
  • MY FRIEND I DISAGRE U POINT ALL U POINT RABBLE RABBLE
  • Zippity zoppity coco coals , grind em up and sniff dat sh**t
  • To all those who said this article was a "waste of time":  how much time did you really spend reading it? This site gives plenty of information.  A little humor once in awhile is no big deal.
  • Lmao, people think this is funny? Maybe we need to send in our ID to prove we're above 18 to comment too. All opinions are valid, but if you think this is funny you should be watching ICarly not smoking.