Hookahs Hookahs

Top 10 Hookah Fails

1. Tipping Over A Hookah

The cardinal sin of all hookah smoking, and likely the world's first hookah fail. Respect the hookah, respect the coal, respect that a hookah hose isn't 30 feet long.

2. Knocking The Hookah Coals Off A Bowl

A corollary to Fail #1, knocking the coals off of a bowl is just the worst. Carpet burns, skin burns, scorched tabletops. Uggh this one sucks so much. If you've got burns in your carpet from a noob knocking your coals off, raise your hand. I rest my case.

3. Slobbering All Over The Hookah Hose

First off, use a mouthtip. Second off, if you don't have tips, be kind to the poor hose. Don't engage in a sloppy makeout session with it and then pass it to your buddy. No one likes a wet, slobbered-on hookah hose.

4. Hogging The Hookah Hose

By all means, enjoy your time with the hose, don't rush it. Smoking hookah is about relaxing, but is there anything worse than sitting there, mouth watering, waiting for your next taste of your favorite flavor, while you watch someone gesture wildly with the hose while telling a boring story? Smoke or pass, simple as that.

5. Blowing Your "Huge Clouds" In Someone Else's Face

We all love blowing some huge, thunderous, hookah clouds, but no one wants your huge cloud in their face. Blow your smoke, up, down, left , right, wherever it needs to go, but never directly into your buddy's face.

6. Using Half-Lit Hookah Coals

This is such a fail. A complete, and utter, fail. How many times have you gone to smoke with a friend, only to see a pile of half lit quick lights on the bowl, or a Coco Nara with only one corner lit? I can taste it now. Oh, what a fail!

7. Purging Too Hard And Soaking The Bowl

This one is a bit of a rare fail, but it will absolutely kill a session, so it's worth mentioning. The physics of a hookah are a beautiful thing...until you blow a full lungs worth of air directly into the hose, water shoots up the downstem, and your bowl is soaked. Adios wonderful hookah session. The worst moment in all of hookah.

8. Messing With Another Smoker's Bowl

Never, ever, ever mess with someone else's bowl. Unless you are a trusted smoking associate, and have graduated to an elite level of trust, do not mess with the coals, do not even think about peeling off the foil and stirring the bowl. If you didn't make the bowl, just sit back, smile and smoke. Messing with another man/woman's bowl is a bootable offense.

9. Insulting Another Smoker's Shisha Mix

Don't shame the smoker. Ever. If you sit down to enjoy another person's hookah and you don't like what they are smoking, politely pass the hose, and move on. Don't trash talk their favorite flavor, their preferred mix, or their preferred set up. Offer advice, never insults.

10. Never Changing Your Hookah Water

Change your water folks! Clean your hookah while you are at it. There is nothing worse than hitting a hookah, exhaling, thinking to yourself "This tastes...weird", and then noticing a layer of green slime floating on top of murky, stinky water. That's a fail I think we can all agree about.

Comments (9) -

  • I used to knock the coals off my bowl every few months, no matter how careful I was I always somehow managed to screw up eventually.  Then I got an Apple on Top bowl and haven't burnt anything since.  I won't use any other bowl.
  • Hey here's a tip for number 2. I did this last week. If you manage to get the coal up off the carpet before it has time to do anything more than a surface burn, you can use sandpaper to scrub off the burnt fibers from the top of the carpet. It's almost unoticable once you've done this, but be careful not to go too far and wear a hole in the rug Smile
  • There are several hookah lounges in my area who do not wash then reuse their water after a person is done smoking. Its disgusting. Going into a lounge and seeing gunk and buildup on the stem in the vase along with buildup in the base itself. For that reason, I've amassed my own collection and host my friends at home.

    The only quality place that was here closed a few years back. Its sad that people will pay lower prices for something sub par than to pay for quality.
  • Once someone pulled a 1 at my place but I caught it and pulled a 2. Tongs were no where close, so i picked up the hot coals with my bare hands as fast as I could. Wasn't able to save the carpet either Frown
  • Everyone drops a coal on the floor sooner or later.
  • Before creating my hookah table to help stabilize my KM, I had a guest pull the hookah off the table, toppling it over into her lap. She managed to brush one coal off...onto my brand new couch and thought the other had fallen onto the floor. I hadn't noticed the couch coal yet, but I crawled the floor looking under the couch for these coals...i couldn't find them. She then started to scream as her leg was bruning. The coal she brushe'd off had landed in between her legs, and was now burning her. She jumped up, causing the coal to land on my carpet behind me. It wasn't there long, but it was long enough to cause damage. I was able to find the 2nd coal a few minutes later, after I noticed my couch smoking. It had fallen in the crease between the cushion and the arm of the couch. It melted it's way through the arm and the side of the cushion until it found its way to the frame. The spot on the cushion between her legs was a giant hole, about 3in in diameter... my couch was ruined after only 1 week of life..in the end though, my KM survived...the girl, however, was never heard from again...
  • My old roommate went through 50 or so coals and couldn't figure out why he wasn't getting a good session. I watched him setting up a bowl and he had the pack right but he was trying to lite natural coals with a bic lighter. Needless to say he never got the coals lit quite right.
  • Oh man... Number 7... The purging too hard. Frown I've done that. No saving the shisha at that point. Time to pack a new bowl.
  • "Respect that the hose isn't 30 feet long." Well maybe yours isn't. We modded ours. Tong